To Hazel,

I'm sorry I failed you

Hazel L. Helmuth

Sorry,

I was too sleepy and too wrapped up in my own stress yesterday to be of much use. (Kucil knows this, prolly why she knocked off yesterday's practice)

But let me shining guard (pic above) and my prayers be yours tonight.

Today, despite fever, nausea and a really bad cold I'm ready to fight.

Fear not the 'others' they too had thier tumults, they too will have thier triumphs. But I say to thee they will not be at our expense.

Especially do not fear the Ivory Tower, for did we not ourselves hail from them? By sheer force of our will shall we not have recompense?

Though sun may fail and moon be dead. Let it not be said that the Arellano's NIHL Moot Court team was craven, that it stood alone against the tides of fate, that it was NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

To begin with we had the courage to stand where no others dared. Or should I say, we alone were chosen [I reserve my protest!].

We were not alone, Forensic, Our Friends and Arellano as a whole are behind us in this quest.

Remember, fear is a mind killer, fear is the little death that brings about total obliteration. Bear in mind your fear kills me too... Co'z if you go I go. If you die I die. We are in this together. We win our lose our fates are now bound.

As to not good enough... well let the morrow be our judge.

Have a little faith in me now. Put a little trust in me somehow. Have a little faith in yourself now. Put a little trust in yourself somehow.

Eternity lies ahead of us... and beyond...

All that remains is to reach out sieze our destiny.

Ad Astra Per Aspera

I should really learn to close my big mouth.

I should really learn to close my big mouth sometimes.

God knows what I might blurt out next time.

I had a really close call yesteday. Still it doesn't matter. My plans are still all set and I'm ready to fight for that which I believe should be mine.

Kyrie Eliason.

P.S. Fiat Iustitia, ruat Coelum

The Seeming Paradox

Seeming or pretending is something rather commonm in life. Because we are afraid to reveal our trueselves, at least not right away, we are forced to seem. To present an idealized personality based on our own limited knowledge of the other (person/s)

Let me present an example using an arbirary Jane and John.

When the two meet there are actually 6 people meeting for the first time.

Person A - The persona that John is seeming in order to look presentable to Jane.
Person B - The actually impression Jane has of John's pretend character.
Person C - The actually personality of John which he keeps hidden from fear of rejection by Jane.

Jane has the same 3 personas. Just interpose their names.

Now imagine if they had just presented thier realselves? Then maybe that would have been considerably simplified right? Unfortunately life is more complicated than we want it to be.

For many many reasons we are unable to be just present the honest-to-goodness true-self. Oh well, I guess that's why I trained myself to see past first impressions. I hope others can see past first impressions to.

I just want to point that out, why? because in my one semester or so in Arellano I've met the whole range. I've met a lot of great people here and I'm greatful I saw past the intitial impressions because becoming friends with them has been God's blessing to me.

==========================================

Another interesting paradox.

Guy: This is how I will love girl becuase this is how I know to love.
Girl: I'm not happy because I'm not being loved the way I want to.
Guy: I don't know why girl is so unhappy when I love her so much
Girl: I want him to find out for himself how I want to be loved. HE OWES me that much
Guy: I don't know why our relationship is not working out.
Girl: I want break up with guy because he doesn't love me.

====

Ok, I might have overplayed a little but this is the simplest representation of current problem. [AND NO ITS DOESN"T INVOLVE A GIRL]

The School loves us, obviously everyone loves a winner diba? The school showers us with love. We have tarpaulins, courtesy visits, a chance [read A CHANCE] to ingrate ourselves to the Professors, The possibility of a scholarship. ANd my personal favorite: Free FOOD :D (which I personally appreciate eventhough I'm endlessly embarassed when people point it out. I'm just not used to being to high profile that's all. Its not like I don't like it I'm just to bashful to want to bask in all the glory)

That's all well and good, honestly we DO feel loved, at least I do , It also makes me feel like I should fight all the harder and worker harder to bring glory to the school.

Unfortunately that's not how we want to be loved. [Moot and academic points]
1.) We want to be loved by getting good grades (Obviously this is unethical and frankly I won't want this either)
2.) How about some consideration (That's still a bit unethical and apparently isn't happening either [As Kucil found out]
3.) How about a Scholarship [As Warren so dearly wants] well apparently this was granted and I'm not exactly oppossed.
4.) OK in my case... HOW ABOUT A FULL LOAD OF SUBJECTS????? Nope, I'm slowly losing hope that this will ever be granted *SIGH*

Well 4 obviously is the love I want from the school. It is wierd actually, as if 'they' don't want me to study.

Sad to say I'm really begining to have thoughts about leaving Arellano out of woe for what is happening.

P.S. To whoever is doing this to me, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ARELLANO's NIHL CHANCES are going down the tubes thanks to what ur doing. M Sure the petty satisfaction you are getting more than compensates you for the potential glory we could have won for this school. I really hope you are happy and can sleep at night. OH and I'm not talking about you Little MISS Batch-rep wanna be.

P.P.S. I'm sorry for the way this stupid thing is making me act but I really can't help it. Who do I have to kill to study around here anyway??? [No don't answer that. I'm still trying to avoid a crime involving moral turpitude. Unless you can help me prove insanity as a justifying circumstance. ]

Back from the Mini-Slump

I must admit that the whole mess-up with my classes has gotten me down for the past couple of days. Who wouldn't? I have a three year plan and going underload... THIS underload is really not conductive to finishing anytime within the century. Well after spending half the week bewailing it I guess its time to climb out of this silly hole and get back to running my life.

Three things brought me out of this slump.

First: I thought God/The World/Arellano must really hate me for giving me a pathetic 12 units. For some that's actually a dream come true.

I can't really complain about the futility of the nauseating number of adding forms because my 5 adding forms (with many many denials) is not really that much worse than 6 adding forms (though that friend of mine finally got a decent 20 unit load). So with a, not so heavy heart, I passed ANOTHER adding form. Let's Justice be done... I hope... :)

[EDIT: Make that Six with a stern 'warning' that I should not add more subjects!!!]

Second: I can't really afford to be this way. Too much is at stake. Hazel is working overtime to make things happen on her end... The least I could do was reciprocate her level of dedication and tenacity. We won't lose, at least not with out a fight. Hazel I made a promise to you: WE WILL DO OUR BEST and LET GOD TAKE CARE OF THE REST. I'm not ready to renege on my word.

Madam Prime I given you my oath and I swore not lightly. It will be done even if I have to break the world to do it.

Third: I love this school, specifically the people. Two nights ago I lost my phone. People were honestly concerned and helped me to find my phone. I found it, Thanks be to God, but what really stirred my heart was how they actually cared. They tried to help despite the evident futility of my crisis.

If I screw up the NIHL, not only will I get petty revenge for this petty oppression I'm receiving but I will also let these people down. They were so happy when we won. I really don't feel like disappointing them regardless of how stupid things are getting.


I want to study. Is that too much to ask?

You want me to moot? Then give me the security of a decent load of subjects

You want us to win? Then at least treat me like a normal student

P.S. I'm sorry for the way I have been acting. I'm pretty disappointed with my actions lately. Thank you for understanding.

It's kind of funny

On Nov 27, 2008 we re going to PLM to compete for the NIHL Moot Court.

Right now, I just don't care.

Someone just succeeded in ruining my mood altogther. Whoever you are (as if I don't know) thank you very much!

I hate this part of me, but right now I can't help it. I'm too pissed and chargrined to even begin to think of moot court.

Moving on,

I've been a good little student. Is a decent load of subjects too much to ask? apparently, yes.

Because of that and the damage to my plans its going to cause my not gonna be surprised if I decide to leave. It's just so annoying. I almost wanted to take Atty Ladia's Corpo Class just for the hell of it. I know I'm a 100% sure flunk (I'm neither psychologically nor intellectually prepared to take on Corpo yet).

I don't know. Baring a Deus Ex Machina Bail-Out. I have a bad feeling this sem is going down the tubes.

Anyway, please pray for me. Pray that this is just some stupid hormone imbalance brought about by too much caffine and Sappho juice. Pray that tommorow I'll be fine, I don't have time to be annoyed, I don't have time to be pissed, I certainly have no time to feel sorry for my self.

All I have time for is to moot, and if I have a little extra-left try to study for my Exteremely Burdensome 10-unit load!

Kyrie Eliason

Starbucks, Sykes and My new home (aka Nov 13, 08)

Funny things happen when you hang around school for too long.

13 Nov 08, Happy Birthday Day Izelle! I went to UST to scout the competition, for some reason security at UST was really lax, must be because it is the start of a new semester. After donning my faux commerce disguise I got all the way to the school of Civil law and shot the breeze with my friends who were talking up law there. I actually didn't learn much except that UST was sending a better team to IHL than they did to CVC. If nothing else they are better prepared this time.

Nitz, the place where copyright goes to die a miserable death (along with my wallet)
Two copies of the Porfi notes cost P1550. Damn it was a good thing I had some money when I went there. Too bad we lost the bill it would have been nice if we got Arellano to foot the bill on that one.

After that it was a late lunch with Kiev (sorry I came all the way from work and I had to do that silly segway) she was in somewhat better spirits today. Perhaps because she finally got a decent nights sleep? I admire her tenacity co'z she's already studying for Wills [despite not having met her teacher yet].

I went to school for no other reason than to see my 4th Adding form denied (well partially denied 1 subject added two denied). At least I'm climbing from 10 units on Oct 28 to my current total of 16 Woohooo!!!

Of course I had to hang around and *ahem* disturb people. Of course I had to see Kucil and whine (yes Kucil I'm sorry I'm such a whiner lately but this enrollment bit is getting really oppressive!) about my 4th set of denied subjects. Of course I had to go bug Jemz and feed her paranoia (sorry Jem, you know you are my friend and that I care about you but sometimes I just really have to be mean :P ) . Oh and if u read this, latest news tells us Atty Danny Uy declined to teach in your class. Damn I'm so mean to you lately.

Kucil was supposed to go to Starbucks after performing her motherly duties to Foresnic including the pacification of an irate Sophomore who REALLY just wants to carry a full load this sem! and picking up some books from the ISS.

That started a series of um.. fortunate events? [take that lemony snicket!]. One thing lead to another and before you know it we were at Starbucks at Sykes Q.Ave near Edsa. Kiev after some miscommunication joined us.

We had our usual coffee while Kiev went to Ministop. I bet that was the last time she considered Sharksfin and Pork fried dumplings a meal.

I don't know if those two were just being paranoid or I was just being too complacent. They were already studying Criminal Law and Wills respectively while I was just bumming around obsessing over my damn Three-Year Plan and how fate is conspiring to rob me of it. In my defence, I had neither my Laptop nor any meaningful books with me at the time.

Between trying to study we were also making plans. You know what? I really enjoy thier company. From the impossible to the plausible we started to chart the future of ALFG.

Kucil and I have been together since the CVC law debates. I can't for the life of me figure out why we aren't sick of each other yet. But that's the way it is. Despite our different backgrounds we share many principles. We won't be driving around in our fathers' car nor will we be flaunting our mothers' money. For that I respect her, in many ways she is a self-made woman. [As I am].

She's probably the first person in Arellano I became close to partly out of necessity, chemistry counts for something in a debate, and partly out of shared ideals and the simple fact we spend so much time with each other.

Kiev, well except for the happy circumstance that we end up in the same FX together or it just happened that we were in the same place at the same time we hardly get to talk much. At least not until Kucil and I dragged her into the IHL moot *Evil Grin*.

Now, at least in theory, she's stuck with me and Hazel for the next two weeks as we battle supremacy in the field of International Humanitarian Law. Sorry hehehe, but I did what I had to do. After all between the three of us (and the new people) we are the future of Forensic. We can't afford to leave our best resources idle and unpolished.

Seriously, since the IHL moot got started we've been able to spend more time together, along with the rest of the crazy crew called ALFG. I must admit Kiev has dispelled a lot of misconcepcions I had about people from the Royal and Pontifical University. Then again I had a lot of misconcepcions about people outside of my sheltered little home along Katipunan.

In a year's time we will be fighting over the bloodied carcass of Kucil's legacy (Kucil is graduating next year), the least I could do is get to know the person before I stab her in the back right? Hehehe... I'm kidding. Kucil's job is tiresome and a heavy burden let others step up to that plate. I just want to moot.

Believe me Kiev can dream BIG! Miss kaayo I am behind you 100%! I'll only say this now (owing to fatigue and the alternative circumstance of being under the influence) but Semper Fidelis.

I wrote down our plans (and promptly lost the notebook) wondering what portion of our dreams will become reality. Well dreams are free.

Yikes, the end of the day was a bit odd, I told Kucil my house was two blocks from Burger King, (I meant two LOOONG blocks) in the end they saw the condo were me and my family hold thier domicile. Oh boy scary... now the Arellano people know where I live :))

At the end of the day, I missd 1/2 day of work, I didn't get to visit my bestfriend on her birthday, I STILL lack subjects, AND I STILL DO NOT FEEL THE URGENCY of the new semester dawning upon me.

Yet at the end of the day I was very happy, twice heartened that though my new home is not perfect, it is a home I can call my own.

The cracks in the vessel of our being are hardly noticable because everyone else is a flawed vessel and we are too busy making the most of our imperfect circumstances to nitpick and dennigerate others for thier "imperfections."

I no longer reside in the Ivory Tower.

I am part of the living world. I am Dasein, I am at peace.
====
I'm sorry Izelle, I thought I was gonna be busy doing work on your birthday that's why I greeted you the midnight before. Instead, well I just told you what I've been doing. I'm sure you will approve right?

To whom it may concern,

To whom it may concern,

I'm here for you. You know that right?

You know it behooves me to see you suffer. Worse when you must suffer in silence, alone in the dark with only the shadows for sympathy.

There are many reasons why I am here, why I chose as I did. You are one of them.

Yes, though the world sees an everjoyful Francis it hasn't exactly been all fun and games for me either. But I can endure, so can you but would it not be easier if you'd allow to lift some of your burdens from you?

If I had the power to sweep away all your pains I would have already done so. But since I can't, what I can do for you by the grace of God I will do.

I am here for you, If you need my help just ask for it and it will be forth coming.

You don't have to be alone.

Why? Because I'd like to think we're friends and I care about my friends.

Litany Against Fear

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

-Frank Herbert

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. fear is but a mortal emotion that weakens the resolve and wanes ones composure. It is nothing. All that need be done is to face it.

To say I do not fear is hypocrisy, but my fears (most of them at least) I have learned to face. For example, I used to be afraid of people so I joined ASIL and later ALFG (Both of which train people for public speaking). Fear still tugs at my heart everytime I am made to stand before the crowd to deliver some new jibber-jabber but I know deep down that I have conquered this fear. I know that so long as my head is clear it can not take hold of me.

Your fears are justified, our foes are amongst the best in the country. With the exception of an arrogant few the others will be sending the best they have. I dare not claim to be the best but we were chosen, hinirang tayo that my dear must count for something.

My advice to you and myself is to give it everything we have. So long as we have done our best, I will regret not the result

Fear will only make you apprehensive, fear is infectious, fear is nothing but a figment of the imagination. Let us allow fear to pass through us and over us. and when it has past only we will remain.

IHL

To my former anima mundi,

Our plans for IHL are slowly firming up. Resources long thought to be dormant are rising to the challenge. Pretty soon I will again be ready to face the winds of change. Not long from now we will see what my long hiatus has done to my skills. On November 27 The heavens will quake, but justice will be done.

She is a sight to behold. Haze wants this as much, if not more, than I. Well, we are both hungry for different reasons perhaps, but hungry nonetheless.

In the end that's really what matters. The laws and treaties are the same, we may have less access to advanced technology and research materials but we have made more 'creative' use of them. Accent-wise, hey she deals with Aussies I'm stuck with Kiwis this weekend.

This competition will fall to who wants it more. Believe me we want it REALLY bad.

Our little chari vari will open doors long closed. That is something we agree on. It matters not how straight the gate nor how charged with punishment the scroll. We are going to give them something to behold.

Semper Fidelis,

Feanor

P.S. Oh and to the other school? well I'll be eager to meet them again at PLM, the SC if they're lucky.

Saturday,

This Saturday ALFG will have its first meeting since..... June 21??? LOL

Seriously I've never seen everyone together since then :))

I guess that's what happens when you have a collective of very-determined but very-working individuals who have great love for the craft but have no choice but to work. [Not everyone is born with a silver spoon or has a Trust fund].

Well this should prove interesting.

Our immediate crisis is recruitment. Our best members are graduating or going to be buried in Bar Review subjects next year. Unlike less sanguine organization I don't think we want to dragoon our graduating members to compete (unless we have no choice, right Warren?).

After the wild ride that was last sem, we can dream big again. [I can dream big again]

We need people, who will carry on the legacy.

Would you like to join? I promise it will be fun :D

Round 2

To Hazel and Kiev

Guess what? The Gauntlet has been throw. As usual other's look down upon us for our (percieved) lack of pedigree. As before they esteem us little.

"Hindi raw threat ang Arellano"

It's up to us to prove them wrong.

May it please the court.

I can feel the my spirit rising in my heart once more. We will prove them wrong.

I Passed, I actually PASSED

I appreciate that God has been merciful and he allowed me to pass all my subjects. The Three-Year Plan is still on. Thanks be to God.



So much for all the sleepless nights and anxiety that has plagued me. So much for all the plans I made in preparation for the worst.


It seems that the whole semester felt like one long prescient dream. A dream from which I am just now awoken.


The battles of the previous semester are over. It matters not how close I came to the brink and how often I was but one step from the abyss.



It matters not how overlate I realized that I had given so much to my new calling and that Priority One (= Law School) was coming second place so often. Finals was not a happy time because I realized I had so much to make up for. My head bloodied but unbowed in the end God chose to grant me a reprieve.



I rarely make mistakes twice. I promise not to repeat the mistake I made last sem.



I have a dream. I can't quit on it now.

What Can I do?

To Madam Prime

I don't know if you'll ever read this. But I'll say it anyway.

Thank You for your Trust.

Thank You for your Friendship.

Thank You for your Guidance.

Thank You for Leading us to Victory.

My Heart bleeds for what happened to you. By this time tommorrow my blissful ignorance will be piereced and in all likelihood I suffered the same fate. But what can we do? So intent were we on victory that we did not realize that there was no one to catch us after our leap of faith.

Barring some sort of Deus ex machina bail out I guess this it.

The only difference between us is I'm Res Judicata. I'm going to stick it out. I have a three-year plan and I intend to stick with it.

Let justice be done, though the world may perish.

This is what I can do. THIS IS ALL I CAN DO;

My performance on Nov 24 (God willing I can even still moot) will be dedicated to you. And if If IF God choses to bless my dreams of Bacolod, that will also be for you.

[Edit: As of press time things are a little better. Madam Prime is in better spirits and she looks like she's ready to resume the fight.]

Sincerly,

Francis